Mahira Khan’s larger-than-life performance and her red-carpet appearance at the LSA2016 (replete with a dress and entourage big enough to fill up all of Expo Center), proved to me that she’s an excellent brand manager who understands her target audience very well. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEXIzZelyPk At a time when people are desperately trying to go back to old values, Mahira brings back the charisma of yesteryear. Her audience loves when her lip is bitten in sharam. They oppose the women who bite it in lust. They love when her dupatta falls strategically at the right time during a performance. They do not like women whose dupattas are intentionally hung away. They like when she giggles as soon as she sights the male lead and runs away shyly with her sukhi sahelian (content friends). They do not like women who tell the joke to the male lead and then laugh uproariously even when he doesn’t. This woman perfectly knows what works in Pakistan and she does it brilliantly well! She’s the Pakistani darling, sweetheart, beloved – and she won’t stray from that image even for a second. She’ll turn up in a poufy gown that covers her body but shows enough shape to keep the audiences mystified. She chooses roles where her chastity belt is tightened and her charm churns through. She’s not just an actress, host, dancer – she’s the director of the greatest personal brand to exist in Pakistan. She’s as brilliant as Waqar Zaka – another brand manager who knows his audience equally well. Controversy works in Pakistan and so he dates it with delect. And that’s the reason why women like Mahira will always win “Best Actress” awards and women like Qandeel Baloch will be shot in Pakistan. But I ask the stunning marketer - what happens when her brand becomes old – does brand loyalty stay with her when “sharam” no longer sells? Where does her career go when she can no longer be the beautiful “bahu” or “beti”? Will we be ever able to digest Mahira as a stereotypical “saas”? The roles she has herself helped create in the industry. What happens when “behaya” and “beghairat” women take the stages? What happens when there is no longer a need for “Mahira the Masoom” ? I’m sorry I bring up these difficult questions to you, Mahira, but I guess these are the ones I hope your daughter or the women in Pakistani will ask you one day! [poll id="668"] This post originally appeared here.

Dear Soumyadipta Banerjee,   I don’t know if it’s the right thing to be writing you a letter, since you might be endorsing a cut-off of all sorts (of written collaborations between our countries) after so emphatically bashing the cultural ones. It might not even be the best time for you since I see your fellows are caught up in a frenzy of misjudging the Pakistani markings regarding the ammunition used in the Uri attacks. But I write to you because it’s necessary. You might not have singled out Fawad Khan in your letter but I evidently am addressing this to only you, since I do believe that many in your country still retain the basic sense and these are only your blatant misconceptions that I intend to discuss. I don’t know whether it’s a tragedy or a comedy that you are intent on portraying Bollywood as a resort for all unemployed Pakistan artists. Heck, you make it sound like a charity that would have put the late Abdul Sattar Edhi to shame. Accordingly, it’s convenient to pin-point a successful Fawad Khan (or your other options that include Mahira Khan, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan or Adnan Sami – all of whom have been duly hailed by your country), but not a failed Veena Malik or a Meera; who ran out of work in Bollywood as soon as they started since they couldn’t impress your audiences. That is the point exactly, Bollywood takes what sells. It isn’t doing any great service to the artists of my nation by hiring them out of pure sympathy. Just see the comments on the trailer of Ae Dil Hai Mushkil on YouTube, the people of your country are swooning over Fawad Khan so much that at places they even seem to over-shadow the lead of the movie. Producers are hiring Pakistani artists and paying them (something that you seem to mention quite often) because they are making money through them; it’s business, not altruism. You take the credit of making a superstar out of Fawad Khan ever so smoothly. But there’s a hitch: Fawad Khan was a superstar in Pakistan right when Humsafar aired in our country. All his subsequent serials were TRPs smashing. Friends from India tell me that Fawad Khan had won Indian hearts right when Zaroon was aired on Zindagi Channel. His stint in Indian cinema might have propelled his popularity slightly, but that’s what exposure does to you. Deepika Padukone didn’t become a superstar after landing a role opposite Vin Diesel; it was her credentials as a superstar that got her there. And I see no way how you can take the credit of his stardom for something as forgettable as Khoobsurat, a flick that was duly bashed by all your critics (“great films” you say, I reserve my comments). India didn’t make Fawad Khan a superstar, it roped him in because he was one already, and marketed the product where the demand was brewing already. Mahira Khan is another sweetheart of Pakistan. These are the highest paid celebrities in Pakistan, and the latter’s film in India hasn’t even released yet. The last point was just for your notice in case you try to claim Mahira Khan’s stardom in the future too. It’s grossly ignorant on your part to claim that while your country opens its doors ever so warmly to our country, we shut them in your face just as relentlessly. Can you please tell me how many Pakistani films have graced the screens of your country lately? While we have seen almost every Indian film playing in our country, if one of our films is lucky enough to be given the green signal by your country, it lands in trouble. The innocent Bin Roye was banned in Maharashtra, so you can definitely keep your intrinsic welcoming fantasy to yourself. Even if some Indian films are banned in Pakistan, they have baggage attached to them. Expect us to screen a Phantom in our country only if you agree to show a Waar in yours. We also know that all Pakistani channels are banned in India, despite you agreeing that Pakistani serials are way better than Indian ones. Here you might be surprised to learn that every single Pakistani channel buys Indian content and plays it on our channels, despite Indian channels also airing in most parts of the country. All your excruciating daily soaps (and God knows those things are liable to be banned only due to the sheer insanity they portray) are actually bought by Pakistan just as your films are. We are not just welcoming to your content, but also a revenue-generating market for you. So kindly cut us some slack, and do the math! You seem indignant on the view that Indian artists aren’t allowed to work in Pakistan. Well, you may want to take a back-seat and question any among Nandita Das, Naseeruddin Shah and Om Puri among others in this regard, all of whom have portrayed essential roles in Pakistani films. Neha Dhupia has even done an item number here. We have had songs sung by Sonu Nigam, Shreya Ghoshal, Harsdeep Kaur, Rekha Bhardwaj, Ankit Tiwari and Sukhwinder Singh amongst others in our films, despite our music industry being second to none, and many among your population also seem to testify to this fact. We have even had Indian singers on our Coke Studio, which is the rage all over the sub-continent. Kareena Kapoor, Sonam Kapoor, Nargis Fakhri, Sidhart Malhotra, Amrita Arora, Arjun Kapoor and many others have been a part of our advertisement campaigns, and you know better, those things pay quite well. You talk about piracy as if Pakistan has a monopoly on it. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it’s an international issue. You should remember Udta Punjab as we remember Jawani Phir Nahi Aani, both films pirated in the very country they were made by. You play the higher ground by narrating how Pakistani artists have been showered with love in India. You might not have gotten to see that, but every single Indian celebrity who has ever come to Pakistan has gone back waxing lyrical about the sheer amount of adulation and admiration they’ve received in Pakistan. You can either ask me to send you the links of their interviews or ask Mahesh Bhatt or Zeenat Aman yourself; just don’t ask Anupam Kher – but guide him on the process of applying for a visa. We have even been borderline welcoming to your director making propaganda films against our country, while one of your own actresses has been charged with sedition for stating something as innocuous as Pakistan is not hell. This tells us something about our attitudes, doesn’t it? So let’s just do away with playing Mother Teresa! And now, the most important point, you charge Fawad Khan for not denouncing his own country, but getting away with the charming smile of his every-time. Except that that isn’t his job. How would you feel if Hollywood starts seeking an apology from Priyanka Chopra every time an Indian is lynched for eating beef in your country? It’s not the job of artists to do what politicians are supposed to do. As Kamila Shamsie puts it, let’s not shift this burden from the shoulders of those responsible even one inch to those already engaging in exchange of culture and good-will. Fawad Khan doesn’t have to carry the baggage of his nationality this way, just as you don’t hold your celebrities accountable for the actions of your state. In fact, how can you even stoop to the level of charging Fawad Khan with something some non-state actors from Pakistan might have done, when your own celebrities don’t bat an eyelid for the persecutions your state officially does? Isn’t your all-time leading superstar associated with a party that orchestrated the Gujarat riots? Have you ever questioned him? How many of your celebrities have avowed against the draconian Armed Forces (Special Powers) Act in Kashmir, or the blinding of innumerable folks with pellet guns in that burning state? When you’re so intent on pointing out the alleged blood on Fawad Khan’s hands, how can you brush off the blood from the conscience of one of your own in a blink of an eye? The blood that was split by your state with a proper agenda, not even some lunatic groups going astray. You cannot choose to look the other way when it comes to you, while trying to limit our focus to the loopholes erratically emanating from our place. When your celebrities don’t take it upon themselves to apologise for something their state is doing, why should Fawad Khan take the responsibility of something his state isn’t even directly involved in? You try to be a humanist, but all you end up becoming is a hyper-nationalist jingoist. If there’s an equation of the cultural exchange between our countries, the balance shifts overwhelmingly in favour of Pakistan. We watch your films, telecast your shows, and listen to your songs; we know a lot more about your country that you have ever known about us. Your ignorance about us is what leads to you writing apparent love letters full of hatred to the likes of Fawad Khan. You know how many Pakistanis have been killed due to terrorism? More than 50,000. Innocents, largely unnamed, faceless Pakistanis. Our civil society, our community, our media, our children and lately, even our establishment, is trying extremely hard to get rid of the scourge of terrorism. If you cannot help us with that, kindly do not insult us by bickering nonsensically out of the blue. Oh, and people didn’t even know you before you started your rant against Fawad Khan. Now the whole sub-continent is talking about you (not very kindly, but hey, no publicity is bad publicity). So the next time you ignorantly claim that your country made Fawad Khan a super-star, always remember that it was due to this very same Pakistani star that you got your two minutes of fame. Do visit Pakistan someday, please, to let go of the sheer bias you have against us. I, along with most other Pakistanis, will be very happy to show you around. And I promise, we won’t even consistently remind you of how much we’ve spent on you! Love from a Pakistani. PS: Fawad Khan is from Lahore, not Karachi.

Thank God for Fawad Khan and Mahira Khan, their powers are unlimited! Now that they are back in Pakistan, India is safe and the Indian actors whose jobs they took or whose films (see Ajay Devgn) might have flopped because of their magical presence in side roles or extended cameos are even safer. However, don’t underestimate the power these two extraordinary individuals possess, one tweet from them, one line on Facebook, or just a simple press release and the entire Kashmir issue would be resolved. It is just amazing how selfish they are by holding back, when a little effort on their part would fix a problem that generations of politicians, wars, blood and treasure have not been able to resolve. After facing a barrage of hostility from a war mongering, hyper-nationalistic Indian press for the crime of being Pakistani, they are now getting a drubbing from the arm chair patriots at home. Instead of supporting our own artists, a lot of Pakistani’s are acting like extras from a surreal adaptation of Arthur Miller’s The Crucible. Just as the actors’ silence was taken as a sign of complicity, now their short, carefully worded statements are being parsed and forensically analysed for signs of treachery and opportunism. “Why didn’t they specifically mention Kashmir?” is the big question on one side of the border, while the other side is waiting for a mention of the Uri victims. Being a huge drama fan myself, I have no doubt that the minute Asher and Khirad say those words, everything will be okay. Still, there are the cynical (and rational) who think putting pressure on their respective governments and politicians might be a better idea. To those keyboard warriors: your indignation rings hollow and hypocritical. If your empathy is reserved only for those who look like you, share the same religion as you or are on the same side of the border as you, then you have already failed the basic test of humanity. Meanwhile, full time patriot and part time actor Shaan Shahid, is posting about how pro Pakistan he is while shooting a remake of an Indian film, Arth 2. If being “pro Pakistan” means wearing tight black T-shirts and putting fellow actors down, then he has succeeded beyond his wildest dreams. No one is asking (quite rightly) Ali Zafar, Atif Aslam, Saba Qamar, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan, Mawra Hocane, Sajal Ali and Adnan Siddiqui who have all worked (or are working) on Indian projects for their opinion on Kashmir or whether they ‘support’ ( another euphemism for ‘are you patriotic enough?’) the army. Fawad Khan and Mahira Khan should not have to face any of these questions either, both have been exemplary ambassadors for brand Pakistan and have done nothing to deserve such scrutiny. More recently, Afzal, oops I mean Hamza Ali Abbasi weighed in on the topic with a characteristically blunt ‘either you are an Ostrich or you are not an Ostrich – pick a side’ statement. Again, being a huge Pyarey Afzal fan, I agree; moderation is for the weak , and we must all immediately take sides, in a  ‘them verses us’ scenario, because it has been so effective in the past. We’ve had three wars – I’m certain the fourth one will do the trick. Taking a cue from Hamza Bhai’s interest in Nazi sympathisers, if we must learn something from actual history (as opposed to random Wikipedia articles), perhaps a word from the horse’s mouth might be in order: [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="600"] Photo: Twitter[/caption] The cherry on the cake has to be Amir Liaqat weighing in. This is a man whose greatest contribution to national security is feeding someone mangoes and giving away lawn suites. Perhaps he has forgotten that there is a difference between starring in a three minute trailer as a soldier and actually being one. But, then again, we get the patriots we deserve. Even more disturbing is Karan Johar’s recent statement of public penance, reminiscent of a badly made hostage video; this maybe the final proof that he should stay away from any attempt at minimalist film noir and stick to opulent Punjabi weddings. His affirmations of patriotism and promises to not work with actors from the ‘neighbouring country’ are a sad climb down from his previous statement about boycotts and bans:

“But this is not a solution. I don’t believe it is. The larger forces have to come together and sort the situation, and this cannot be banning talent or art.”

“Yeh toh mummy ka plan tha.” This was mom’s plan.

With less than ten days on the calendar, get ready to lap up a potboiler in the name of the SRK brand once again. Following a delay of almost a year, Shahrukh Khan is back from taking a break from his romantic image with Raees. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Shahrukh Khan and Mahira Khan in Raees (2017).
Photo: IMDb[/caption] Set in 1980s Gujarat, Raees tells the story of Liquor Baron Raees Alam (Shahrukh Khan), whose business is challenged by a police officer ACP Majmudar (Nawazuddin Siddiqui). How the two go head-to-head forms the crux of the narrative. First things first, the movie is a period action-thriller and judging by whatever we managed to extract from all the previews of the films, the production design is nothing to write home about. For a movie set in the 80s, only the tropes employed by the filmmaker seem to be from that particular era. Emerging from the smoke for an intended ‘whistle entry’, bravo Hashmi Surma sponsored King Khan! This particular ‘protagonist opening’ was only used a million times during the worst period of Bollywood. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Shahrukh Khan in Raees (2017).
Photo: IMDb[/caption] Alternatively, when you have powerhouse performers like Shahrukh and Nawaz, you should be doubly conscious of the content you are providing them to work with. Case in point, these supposedly quotable lines from the trailer:

“Ammi jaan kehti thi koi dhandha chhota nahi hota, aur dhande se bada koi dharm nahi hota.” (Mother always said, no business is small, and no religion is bigger than business) “Aap mujhe kahin bhi transfer kar dijiye, Raees ko nahin chhodunga.” (No matter where you take me, I will not leave Raees). “Baniye ka dimaag aur Miyanbhai ki daring.” (The mind of a businessman and courage of a Muslim).

Raees is manna for Shah Rukh Khan fans. We watched the film at the posh Metro Cinema but it felt like we were sitting at the erstwhile Novelty in Grant Road. Like Novelty, where movie goers were as unabashedly boisterous as patrons in upper-class cinemas are restrained, the audience at Metro hooted, shrieked and even danced when Khan appeared on the screen for the first time and each time he delivered a punch-line. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-Knknbbxwo In Raees, the camera is glued either to Khan’s face or his ripped body. For instance, a Muharram procession in the early minutes of the film is an excuse for a slow pan of Khan’s physique. He plays Raees, a bootlegger in Gujarat, and the scene shows his transition from a young boy flagellating himself during Ashura to a muscular adult whipping himself with knives, rivulets of blood throwing his six-pack into relief. For fans, moments such as these will be enough reason to watch the movie as there isn’t much else to it. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Shah Rukh Khan and Mahira Khan in Raees.
Photo: Facebook[/caption] The movie is a standard cops and robbers tale The film is supposedly based on the life of Abdul Latif, who ran an illegal liquor business in Gujarat till he was shot in 1997. Though the filmmakers deny any similarity. Raees starts his career as kid couriering bottles of alcohol for Jairaj (Atul Kulkarni), the top bootlegger in the area, and goes on to run an empire of his own assisted by childhood friend and right-hand man Sadiq (Mohammed Zeeshan Ayyub). Naturally, he forms enemies – his former boss Jairaj, the cops, politicians, all of whom at various opportune moments switch from being his friends to his foes. Naturally Raees outwits each of them using, what his mentor Jairaj calls, his “baniye ka dimaag, miyanbhai ki daring” (The mind of a businessman and courage of a Muslim). [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Along the way, he gets married to the neighbourhood belle (Mahira Khan).
Photo: Facebook[/caption] Along the way, he gets married to the neighbourhood belle, Aasiya (Mahira Khan). The cop in the equation is Jaideep Majmudar (Nawazuddin Siddiqui). Nawazuddin Siddiqui is the best thing about the film Siddiqui is one of those actors who is watchable in just about any kind of movie. In Raees, the balance is entirely tipped in favour of Khan. Attention is lavished on his face, his body; he gets to mouth all the one-liners, of which there are several. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Nawazuddin Siddiqui in Raees (2017).
Photo: IMDb[/caption] Perhaps the story might have been more compelling with a different lead. That way the narrative might have taken precedence instead of simply being a convenient star vehicle. Yet Siddiqui snares your attention with his intelligent gaze, dry humour and subtle performance. A clean cop, Majmudar is the bane of his corrupt bosses and criminals. He makes it his mission to nab Raees, who finds all sorts of ways to smuggle alcohol to people, from injecting tomatoes with booze to hiding bottles in cartons of school textbooks. The rest of the cast is practically put into the shade, including Pakistani actor Mahira Khan, who is made to do little other than simper and dance. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="484"] Raees’s fall is tied to the bomb blasts in Bombay in 1993.
Photo: IMDb[/caption] The end is unsurprising yet significant Raees’s fall is tied to the bomb blasts in Bombay in 1993 (Abdul Latif was a suspect in the blasts case). He’s done in by a Bombay mobster, who’s no doubt an allusion to Dawood Ibrahim. Predictably, Raees, the benevolent gangster, delivers comeuppance to the orchestrators of the blasts and then hands himself over to Majmudar. While the end is a foregone conclusion, it makes something of an impact as the manner in which the coda is delivered reminds you of the Gujarat police’s shameful history of extra-judicial killings. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVcyhtvpu00 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTyEu2X_C04 This post originally appeared on The Daily Pao here. 

Asim Raza, the maker of feature film Ho Mann Jahan, is not happy with the nominations for the 2017 Lux Style Awards. His displeasure is both understandable and inexplicable. It is understandable because his film, nominated in five out of eight categories for film, seems to have been selected without much deliberation, thought and, if you will, intelligence. The film featured outstanding performances by two young actors, Sheheryar Munawar Siddiqui and Adeel Hussain, but neither one of the two has been nominated in the ‘Best Film Actor’ category. Siddiqui, who was wonderful in the film, has been relegated to the ‘Best Supporting Film Actor’ category whereas Hussain, who performed fabulously in Ho Mann Jahan, has been excluded from the nominations entirely. Ahmed Ali, who turned in a wonderful cameo, has not been nominated in the ‘Best Supporting Film Actor’ category either. Most importantly, the score of Ho Mann Jahan, arguably the best of any Pakistani film, in decades, has received but one nomination. Raza’s ire, albeit understandable, is inexplicable. He may be an architect by education but after more than two decades in show business, he is a veteran of the industry. It is curious that he is surprised that the specious nominations – unfair, illogical and unjustifiable – were downright dishonest. He has been around far too long not to know better. That the Lux Style Awards are symptomatic of the many ills – nepotism, elitism, prejudice, dishonesty and sloth – that plague Pakistani society is sad. What’s even sadder is the fact that the folks behind Pakistan’s largest award ceremony, marketed using a venerable international brand name, owned by a conglomerate whose products are used by more than 2.5 billion people around the world, do not even try to do the right thing by making the awards what they truly need to be. That is, a celebration of art, talent and competence, carried out with class, responsibility, competence, integrity, dignity, and transparency. The bizarre nominations may well just be the result of spectacular sloppiness alone but, God knows, the truth seems to be worse. Much worse. The process of nominating and awarding people in the field of cinema, television, music and fashion is clandestine for the Lux Style Awards, to make an understatement. The mechanics of the process are largely unknown. Awards are given out in a total of 28 categories, divided into cinema, television, film and music. Five nominations are made for each category. The jurors for the nominations are generally not known. Twelve of the categories are designated for Viewer’s Choice awards. Any and everyone is allowed to vote for these categories online. The process for the elimination of bogus and duplicate online votes, if one exists, is a secret. And the method used for final selection is not audited. The shroud of secrecy allows for a lot of latitude. Mostly, it lets a lot of people make a lot of money. It leaves the door wide open for people to oblige, patronise, bribe, favour, and promote people. It lets advertisers dictate a whole lot including camera angles and guest seating. It draws a clear line between the haves and the have-nots in the world of show business. It promotes elitism. And it allows for a lot of people to settle a lot of scores. Controversy has always surrounded the Lux Style Awards. In 2015, the nominations created a stir by ignoring the tremendously successful television serial Bashar Momin and its star, Faysal Qureshi, whose performance in the serial was one of the best in the history of Pakistani television. The omission did not go down well with fans of the serial who complained vigorously on social media platforms. After a lot of hue and cry, and much unpleasantness, the nominations were revised to include Qureshi in the ‘Best TV Actor’ category but the serial was not nominated in any other category. https://twitter.com/faysalquraishi/status/621726299787296768 In an act of dignity, fortitude and self-respect, not associated with the world of awards in Pakistan, Qureshi rejected the nomination, making his disdain for the Lux Style Awards public in his inimitable candid style.

“I had not complained because I had not been nominated for Bashar Momin,” said Qureshi. “I was angry because every member of the team of the serial had been ignored. The play had excellent cinematography, direction and script, which deserved recognition but no one was nominated”.

When was the last time you saw a Pakistani actress killing it in Bollywood? Mahira Khan, you say? I consider her a part of the production design for Raees and not the cast, since she was nothing more than a pretty looking prop in a movie dominated by Shah Rukh Khan and narrative absurdities. Hmm, so your comeback is Humaima Malick? Ever wondered why she is rarely seen anywhere on screen after the disaster that was Raja Natwarlal? Next up, Meera ji? Oh so you are being funny now, you cheeky bugger you. Mawra Hocane?  Like seriously, are you kidding me? I am not even going to dignify that with a response. But finally, we have someone from these shores who did not just go to Bollywood to play embarrassingly awkward eye-candy; we have somebody who wasn’t happy being sexually objectified, because she got a role in a Bollywood flick. Step forward, Saba Qamar, the Pakistani diva who crossed borders not just to increase numbers, but with the potential to become number one. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjkFr48jk68 Mita Batra aka Honey (Qamar), is married to Raj Batra (Irrfan Khan) who is quite content with his ecosystem living in Delhi’s infamous Chandni Chowk. Life is all hunky dory for the nouveau riche Raj selling original copies of designer wear. But wife Mita – who realises, how despite their riches, can’t break into the hallowed company of the true elites because they can’t fluently converse in the Queen’s language – is eager to angrezify (refine/make it more English) their lifestyle. This is because she wants her daughter, Pia, to get an admission into a fancy English medium school. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption] Moving from the under-privileged hustle bustle of the old city to a swanky home in south Delhi, an admissions consultant and multiple efforts later, the duo are still nowhere close to the elusive Holy Grail, the uber exclusive Delhi Grammar School, headed by Ms Lodha (Amrita Singh). This is where Raj finds out about the Right to Education Act (ghareeb (poor) quota) which requires them to fake being poor. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption] Willing to go the extra mile, Mita and Raj are on the move again, this time shifting to an impoverished neighbourhood. But would this prove enough to get Pia in to the school of their elitist dreams? That’s what forms the rest of the plot. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="525"] Photo: Screenshot[/caption] Director Saket Choudhary has chosen to tell a story which hits a little too close to home for a lot of people on both sides of the border – the same colonial overlords, the same obsession with vilayati boli (foreign language) as a status symbol. But Choudhary takes a leaf out of the acclaimed Indian director Rajkumar Hirani’s levity booklet by taking this serious issue of the great language divide and packaging it in satirical humor to nudge you into thinking about it. The writing is on point with perfectly timed comedy – the delicious cherry atop this cinematic cake. But the real reason why Hindi Medium does so well is the lead duo of Khan and Qamar. While fans of Indian cinema have grown accustomed to Khan’s powerhouse performances over the years – and he doesn’t disappoint this time around either – the real surprise for a vast majority of people is the acting of our best female export to Bollywood. Qamar is just plain fantastic as the Chandni Chowk lass with social climbing aspirations. The best part is that she is good and she very well knows it. She recently boycotted one of our country’s premier award event citing how the show was not worthy of her attendance. She said,

“Ever since I have had a Bollywood stamp, all the top brands are chasing me for endorsements. Where were all the brands before I went to India? No one has ever approached me for the last 13 years that I have been working.”

“Even Hindustan Times and Pinkvilla have compared me to Mahira Khan and given a verdict that my performance is far better than hers in Raees.”

This has been a year of reformation and introspection for Pakistan's entertainment industry. After India closed its doors to Pakistani artists in the wake of the Uri attack last year, Pakistani artistes – who were minting a heavy buck from the biggest culture industry in Asia, Bollywood – were forced to come up with a plan B. Nothing can compare to the attention and recognition a successful project in India can bring. In fact, a lot of Pakistani artistes still bank on that one short role (that nobody remembers) to enhance their portfolio. But as Junoon said in their song, “khwaab adhooray sahi, khwaab saharay toh hain” (while our dreams may be incomplete, at least we have them), dreams are what we live for. Pakistan’s Bollywood dream was officially over the moment Indian Motion Pictures Producers Association (IMPAA) put a ban on hiring Pakistani artistes for new projects. So the cream of Pakistani talent and music, which used to heavily rely on Bollywood, realised that home is where the heart is. This ban naturally instilled a sense of patriotism; a word that should be defined as hating India in Pakistan and hating Pakistan in India. As an independent commentator, I was moved to see the likes of Fawad Khan and Mahira Khan follow Mahatama Gandhi’s guidelines – not respond to filth with filth – something that was being bombarded by the Indian artistes’ community under severe government pressure. But we never realised that such a gruesome burning of bridges between the two countries would actually benefit Pakistan’s culture industry instead of hampering its growth. Even Pakistanis didn’t know that. Almost one year down the line from the conflict, the biggest names of Pakistani entertainment are engaged in unusually high number of projects in Pakistan, some being financed by corporations, others on their own. This would have been close to impossible had the Bollywood bliss been available. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="450"] Photo: Instagram/Fawad Khan[/caption] Fawad Khan returns to music Well, the new Khan of Bollywood, the guy who was compared to a “juicy ice lolly” in an Indian publication, has returned to music. The Kapoor & Sons actor first came into the limelight in 2002, when his band Entity Paradigm qualified for Pakistan’s first Pepsi Battle of the Bands. Seventeen years and a vast portfolio later, Fawad has returned to the same show alongside Atif Aslam, Meesha Shafi of Jugni fame and Vital Signs founding member Shahi Hasan. Not only was it a delight to watch the biggest star of the country hone fresh musical talent, but his regular appearance on TV, as a judge and mentor, has also managed to bridge the gap between Fawad and his Pakistani fans. His much-awaited Maula Jatt 2 by Bilal Lashari has completed its first spell too. He is expected to resume work on Maula Jatt 2 and kick off the Pakistani pop legend, Alamgir’s biopic soon. Thanks to his no-commitments-in-Bollywood status, we will finally get to see Fawad star in a Pakistani film after a decade. Along with Fawad’s appearance, we will witness the return of Pakistan’s cult Punjabi characters, Maula Jutt and Noori Nat. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="450"] Photo: Instagram/ Mahira Khan[/caption] Mahira Khan signs three Pakistani films Like Fawad, Mahira had also found a new home via the immense popularity of Pakistani serials in India. She had the grace, elegance and everything that was needed to become the first Pakistani to debut alongside Shah Rukh Khan. Although the role wasn’t as significant as one would imagine, it still managed to raise few eyebrows on both sides of the border. However, she couldn’t promote the film in India for obvious reasons so she stayed back home and watched the fireworks from a distance. As a result, Pakistan’s most successful producer/director Shoaib Mansoor (Shoman) announced his next project, Verna, with Mahira in the lead role. Speculation was rife that Kareena Kapoor might end up playing the lead but Shoman had Pakistan’s most followed diva on the sets. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="450"] Photo: Youtube/ Raees[/caption] The film is now in its post-production. Mahira has also started shooting for yet another Pakistani film titled Saat Din Mohabbat, after long spells of rehearsing for the role while simultaneously training for the labour intensive Maula Jatt 2 – in which she plays the female lead. So, if things go as planned, we will get to see Mahira in not one, not two, but three Pakistani films! And trust me, that’s a lot of films for Pakistan. The Atif Aslam we missed is back! The biggest music export to India is now back in Pakistan. Yes, speaking of recent times, I would put Atif way above Rahat Fateh Ali Khan or Shafqat Amanat Ali in terms of the influence he has had on Bollywood music. Like it or not, but had it not been for his powerful falsettos both high and low in signature eastern classical and semi-classical melodies, someone like Arijit Singh would have never been welcomed. After bending the rules on both sides of the border, Atif is finally back home, releasing original music which is not restricted to films. Since the beginning of 2017, he has released three original songs which are not a part of any film. The songs are becoming less filmy and more profound with every passing release. ‘Yaad Tehari’, the song that he performed on Pepsi Battle of the Bands reminded us of the Atif of the ‘Jal Pari’ days, one who was as much inspired by Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan as he was from the works of Peter Gabriel. Apart from his fresh music and live concerts, Atif was the second usual Bollywood customer who was judging Pepsi Battle of the Bands in Pakistan. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N08-TtqukoU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kf6MsltI7lQ This deadly combination of Fawad and Atif’s star-power combined with exceptional young talent has given the 10^th season of Coke Studio a serious run for its money. On the set of Battle of the Bands, someone asked Atif why his music was getting more complicated yet profound with every passing release, to which he responded,

“If I don’t do it now, I’ll probably never do it.”

It’s 2017, which means every day one wakes up to a new outrage on social media – it is simply the way of the world now. You pick a side and tweet incessantly until the next outrage-inducing news comes along.

Now, normally, I try my best to act reasonable and get some facts before I join the outrage train, so imagine my surprise when I see pictures of Mahira Khan smoking with Ranbir Kapoor, and I immediately begin to judge her.

How could I not? Did you see what she was wearing? My first thought was, ‘wow, what a lovely dress!’ What do we have to do to get pretty dresses here in Pakistan? And no, please don’t say, “go to Mango”, because I love my kidneys and would very much like to keep them both.

Then I saw that the pictures were taken in New York, which not only doubled my outrage, but also made me extremely jealous. Mahira gets to wear pretty dresses in New York while we have to slowly melt inside our dupattas in this blistering heat? When September feels like June, you know climate change must be real.

I spent another minute looking at the pictures, sincerely judging Mahira some more. ‘Look at her’, I thought, the stunning human being that she is, and she’s hanging out with Ranbir Kapoor? That by itself should be a crime. I judge people by the company they keep, and Ranbir’s reputation as a philanderer does not do him any favours. Mahira is Lollywood royalty, and she’s done a movie with Shah Rukh Khan – surely she can do a lot better than Ranbir? Can you imagine this picture of Mahira smoking with Aamir Khan or even Shahid Kapoor? Instantly gets classier.

So yes, for a minute, I was like every other person on the internet, but then I saw what everyone else was judging her for and that gave me pause. While I was judging her for the silly reasons discussed earlier, what were my fellow internet users judging her for? For the length of her dress, for smoking, for having an alleged love bite which I, uncultured as I am, did not even notice.

One can often witness how wearing hijab becomes an obstacle for women here in Pakistan. Be it at work, school or university, you will always be judged and scrutinised for everything you do. However, I have always wondered how a piece of fabric covering one’s head can depict an individual’s personality, to an extent that people believe it gives them the right to judge you for each and everything you say, do or wear.

Recently, I came across the news of Malala Yousafzai getting admission into Oxford University and later being ‘spotted’ wearing a pair of jeans and a shirt with a dupatta covering her head. To my surprise, instead of being happy for her admission into one of the most prestigious universities in the world, there were many who were upset. Upset on what you may ask? Well, her attire!

The society that we live in and the cultural values that we are taught here, we tend to apply all of that on Pakistanis living abroad as well. However, I believe as far as you are dressing up modestly with hijab, it shouldn’t be bothering anyone.

Although it’s very common to hear negative remarks about her every time she is highlighted in the media, but an objection on her attire was least expected. Accusing her of being a paid agent or an American puppet is another topic altogether, but commenting on what she wears with her hijab is absolutely not right.

Given the anti-Muslim rhetoric in the world, one can’t expect her to wear shalwar kameez at her university every day. Like other students, she has the right to dress up in whatever makes her feel comfortable. Being a Muslim, it is already difficult for her to adjust in the western world because of the image that certain extremists or conservatives have created of us Muslims in general. If she made a small attempt in order to adapt to her university’s environment, was she hypocritical and wrong? It’s not like she forgo her hijab for the sake of blending in since she still covers her head.

Only because she is now a famous personality doesn’t give anyone the right to comment on her personal attire or invade her privacy. I wonder how we have the audacity to comment and judge anyone who becomes famous and invade their personal space, let alone take their pictures without consent. Clearly everyone is paparazzi now!

Malala is time and again seen in the news being the voice of the deprived females of Pakistan’s rural areas who are not given basic rights such as education. She is a representation of Pakistani girls who don’t have the freedom of choice. Keeping aside all the false and negative thoughts that come into our minds, can we simply focus on how she has become the face of our societal norms? How she stood against injustice and fought for her rights? She was shot for raising her voice, for the love of God!

After hits like Khuda Ke Liye and Bol revived Pakistani cinema, Shoaib Mansoor is all set to return with another potential box office hit, Verna. Directed by Mansoor and produced by Showman Productions, the trailer has already amassed more than a million views on YouTube since its release. https://twitter.com/VernaTheMovie/status/920930578131836928 Not only have Mansoor's previous films been considered monumental for Pakistani cinema, he is also the brains behind classic drama serials in Pakistan like Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Fifty Fifty and Ankahi. It is thus unsurprising that news of Mansoor's new release, this time featuring Pakistan's sweetheart Mahira Khan, created a lot of hype on social media, with the trailer generating mostly positive feedback from audiences. https://twitter.com/Bulleya_/status/920296233297678337 https://twitter.com/iamhumayunsaeed/status/920629379553689600 The trailer reveals that Mansoor, staying true to his genre, has once again delivered a movie centred on real issues plaguing our society. The teaser, released earlier this month, simply showed Mahira beating the living daylights out of an unknown man. The trailer follows up and provides some indication of what could have motivated such violence on the leading lady's part. The highlight of the show is undoubtedly Mahira (Sarah), who not only looks fierce but is also definitely on a mission for revenge. What makes the trailer intriguing is that it starts off feeling like a romantic film, showing Mahira and Haroon Shahid (Aami) as a happily married couple, but soon changes tack and brings the audience to the edge of their seats. The debutante and the singing sensation, Haroon, looks perfect alongside Mahira. It is also interesting to note that Mansoor has a knack for bringing out the acting talent in Pakistani musicians – be it Atif Aslam in Bol or Haroon in Verna. The other storyline in the trailer shows Zarrar Khan (Sultan) as an influential feudalist and clearly, the antagonist. Zarrar plays the part of a fraudulent politician perfectly, commanding authority but also looking sleazy enough that the audience knows not to root for him. Moreover, in the trailer, Sarah can be heard saying,

“Main sirf tumhari biwi nahi hoon, tum se alag ek poori insaan hoon.” (I am not just your wife, I have my own identity separate from you)

“DNA match karay tou kya kareyge?” (What do we do if the DNA matches?)

I’m not going to lie, I’m a fan of red-carpet events. The pretty dresses, the sparkly jewellery, the glitz, the glamour, the hair and makeup – I love it all. Does that make me a bad feminist? I really hope not. I wholeheartedly believe in a woman’s right and choice to celebrate her looks, her body and her sexuality. But at the same time, it also sets me off when the media reduces a woman to merely that – just a pretty face. At the trailer launch for her upcoming film, Mahira Khan was questioned by a few reporters regarding those controversial pictures with Ranbir Kapoor. Even though Mahira politely answered those questions, I was left baffled as to why the media would ask her such a personal question when she was there to promote her work. She was not there in a personal capacity, nor was it an interview where it is permissible to ask questions of a more personal nature. But what seemed to be the priority of the reporters was to be the first to get the scoop, professionalism be damned. They did not seem to think it important to ask her about her character, if it’s different from any she has done before, or about the experience of working with an esteemed director like Shoaib Mansoor. The preview of her upcoming film Verna shows Mahira beating the living daylights out of a man, but of course, the reporters didn’t find that of any value or interest. No, Mahira’s personal life was “better scoop”. Asking famous women shallow or personal questions is both extremely sexist, and extremely common. Not just in Pakistan, but female celebrities all over the world are subjected to answering boring, superficial or intensely personal questions that men are simply not asked. The instances are simply too many to number. Deepika Padukone was repeatedly asked how she worked with Ranbir Kapoor, her former boyfriend, instead of questions pertaining to her movie itself. Sunny Leone was asked by a journalist if he was being “morally corrupted” just because he was interviewing her. Katrina Kaif was questioned more about her leaked bikini pictures than she was for movies she promoted. Sexist questions aren’t even limited to Bollywood. While promoting Baywatch, Priyanka Chopra was frequently asked ‘intelligent’ questions like how she kept her focus with Dwayne Johnson around, and the size of her male co-stars' genitals. Female athletes get the same third-rate treatment that is considered socially acceptable when it comes to women. Sania Mirza, after winning another title for her country, was asked when she planned on getting “settled” and having babies. https://www.facebook.com/BuzzFeedIndia/videos/1650910341636113/ There have since been several video compilations of the kinds of questions women are subjected to and the result has me cringing and enraged at the same time, because all women get asked is,

“Who are you wearing?” “What diet are you doing to lose weight?” “What kind of underwear goes with this dress?”

The times, however, they are a-changing. More and more female celebrities are now speaking up and calling out reporters who ask them sexist questions. Scarlett Johansson openly wondered why she was asked about her diet and how she got in shape while Robert Downey Jr was asked existential questions about playing a superhero.

American actress Reese Witherspoon even started the #AskHerMore campaign before the 2015 Oscars, in an attempt to be asked questions other than,

“Who are you wearing tonight?”

“Do you ask the same question to a male cricketer?”

Increasingly, female celebrities feel more confident in opening up and sharing their thoughts with the media, and are hence shutting sexist questions down. But it’s still too ingrained as a norm for our industries, isn’t it? Why aren’t we changing the way we look at female celebrities? Why aren’t we asking them better questions?

In this day and age, cinema is thriving on gender role reversals and women are now more in the forefront than ever, are working just as hard, and in many cases are the sole crowd-pullers. To reduce such talented and successful individuals to merely the clothes they wear or the colour of their nail polish, simply because they happen to be women, is nothing less than regressive and archaic.

Oscar and Emmy Award winner, and an all around advocate for women rights, Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy (SOC), like for many others, is an inspiration for me too. With documentaries like “A girl in the river” and “Saving Face”, she has won the hearts of millions of people all over the world. A few days ago, one of my friends mentioned the news about SOC getting a doctor sacked from Agha Khan University Hospital (AKUH), a renowned hospital in Karachi. Hearing this, I had a million questions going around in my mind:

“What could the doctor possibly have done?” “Did he make an inappropriate comment?” “Perhaps he made an incorrect medical diagnosis?” “Did his wrong diagnosis lead to incorrect treatment?”

“By joining the event, you are declaring the following terms:

1. I hereby declare myself a social harasser”

“As I previously stated, I don't think he harassed her by sending a friend request. But, it was unprofessional. Yet, I think firing is too extreme and wouldn't have had happened if it wasn't an influential celebrity in question.”

Unless you live under a rock, you are not only aware of the Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy vs the doctor debate that has stirred the Pakistani nation, but have also most certainly picked a side. Statistically, it is more likely that you support the doctor, and why not? Poor man, who is also a father of four, allegedly got fired – a reminder to the harassers in the Pakistani population that harassment can also have consequences, a concept they are, of course, unfamiliar with. It all started with Facebook and Twitter – which is probably something we’ll also say about the third world war – as a Facebook friend request led to a Twitter rant which led to all of Pakistan collectively losing its chill. This is a country that has definitely seen worse days, but if anything, this incident has revealed the issues that are big enough to trigger the collective conscience of the country. This is also a country where murderers walk free, and most people stay silent rather than talk about crimes pertaining to sex, so of course the public at large felt a deep sympathy for a doctor facing consequences for his inappropriate actions. Sharmeen taking to Twitter to express her outrage – something Donald Trump is allowed to do on a regular basis, but hey, it’s not like he’s in a position of power or anything – was the trigger for the keyboard warriors of Pakistan to emerge. What followed after Sharmeen’s claim of harassment was, ironically, the worst form of harassment we’ve witnessed on social media recently. Here’s why this outrage is not only selective, but also excessively blown out of proportion: 1. Sharmeen made the big mistake of…tweeting? With great power comes great responsibility – apparently they should add that to Twitter’s guidelines. One of the reasons everyone got so angry was that Sharmeen tweeted about this issue using her celebrity status. Since when do celebrities tweet about things of a personal nature? Also, how dare she use her celebrity power and her privilege to highlight an issue? Has she learnt nothing from our politicians? https://twitter.com/ZakaWaqar/status/923611879448002560 People felt that if she wanted to take action, she should have done so privately, not on Twitter. Even though Twitter is definitely the place to go to if you want anything to happen, as evident by international politics these days. But no, we live in a society where a doctor can send friend requests to patients or like their pictures on Facebook and that is okay, but a woman can’t tweet on Twitter, since we clearly don’t understand how social media is supposed to work . https://twitter.com/sajeershaikh/status/924184107235643395 Even though it might have been a case of poor choice of words in a time of heated emotion, as clarified by Sharmeen, why did we focus on her choice of words and not the issue at hand? How many times have we gone on a rant or vented on social media when angry or frustrated? Do you remember a grammar nazi popping up in your head and telling you to be careful of your choice of words? How many posts have we come across on Facebook where men and women are ranting on about poor delivery service from a vendor, or women ranting about Uber and Careem drivers, or people ranting on about Karachi's traffic or police woes, or women complaining about clothing stores? Are all these rants perfectly worded and formed? Are they justified? We completely skipped the part, by choice or not, where Sharmeen was narrating her sister's ordeal and instead focused on her claiming this is "harassment" or how most assumed that she was showing off her privilege and power when she said "wrong women in the wrong family" and focused on that. Does she not get the benefit of the doubt? 2. She misused her privilege and her celebrity power by… standing up for her sister? Yes, she went on a Twitter rant. But it’s important to address that she was the third party in this incident, and that she was standing up for her sister, who was the one the doctor harassed. Then why is Sharmeen bearing the brunt of it? https://twitter.com/adeelraja/status/924190145800220673 How dare Sharmeen take a picture with one of the most influential men in Hollywood, before he was accused of sexual harassment and rape? Why did Sharmeen stay silent when literally no one else in Hollywood was speaking up? And why is she not aware that once you take a picture with a criminal, it apparently becomes hypocritical to report a crime? https://twitter.com/sharmeenochinoy/status/925242089444651009 In a recently released statement, Sharmeen admitted that being a celebrity, she gets a lot of friend requests which she politely ignores, as we all do. However, she revealed that not only did the doctor send a Facebook friend request, he also commented on her sister’s pictures. This is not normal. Please don’t let us be known as a society that is okay with a doctor breaching confidentiality but is angry at a woman for standing up for her sister. 3. Doctors aren’t allowed to send friend requests…when did this happen? I make an appointment at a renowned hospital with a doctor I have never met before. The doctor is a man, and while I sit there in his office, naked underneath a gown, he is allowed to touch me – and I place my trust in him to only do so where and when necessary. This is an implicit agreement made whenever anyone, male or female, visits the doctor, because they have your consent, which they have to try and maintain by acting in a professional manner. So I go to the doctor, a man who has treated me and knows private details about me, as only a doctor does. My check-up ends and I go home, trying to forget the experience since hospitals always remind me of death for some reason. The next day, I wake up to see that the doctor has accessed my private, personal information, looked me up and sent me a friend request on Facebook. Moreover, he has also started liking and commenting on my pictures. This unknown man, who I trusted enough to honour the doctor-patient ethical code, has now broken the fourth wall and is trying to reach me on a personal level. Why? Am I dying, and the only way to tell me is to befriend me? Probably not. Is this a creepy thing to do? Absolutely. Will I ever go to this doctor again? Only if he was the last doctor alive and I needed medical treatment. Is this harassment? Yes, it unequivocally is. Furthermore, what might count as harassment for one woman might not be the case for another, but that does not mean that we belittle that woman's fight for ending harassment and instead fight against her. https://twitter.com/maryamful/status/923847513756618752 In the developed world, doctors are actually given training on what constitutes as harassment and unethical behaviour, and surprisingly, sending a Facebook friend request is, quite literally, on the list. 4. We’re showing her this is not harassment by… harassing her? Perhaps it was a healthy argument to have, to discuss whether a doctor sending a patient a Facebook friend request counts as harassment. But we went for the overkill, as always. Social media decided to take it a step further and actually harass Sharmeen to prove to her what harassment is like. For how would she know what harassment feels like? It’s not like women have any experience in that department. https://twitter.com/mubasherlucman/status/924137864807571456 But wait, why stop at Sharmeen? Her sister was dragged into the witch hunt; her pictures released online, with comments ranging from “she's ugly, so who would harass her”, to how she dressed like a “slut”, which means she was asking for it. It’s nice to see that in 2017, the Pakistani public still has the mentality where they shame and blame the victim. “What was she wearing?”, because of course, you have to cover yourself up lest you happen to seduce your doctor. Following this logic, I honestly can’t fathom how male doctors are ever able to perform surgery on female patients. Meanwhile, the poor doctor – whose only crime was to harass a patient and breach confidentially through an unethical practice – is getting the public’s sympathy, with more and more people and hospitals offering him a job. With the way things are going, this guy could win the 2018 election. Everyone is talking about him, and how he will feed his four children. No one is talking about how this practice is unethical, or how he allegedly has more harassment cases against him. The doctor's picture and name has still not been revealed. If what is happening to him is wrong and false, where is his side of the story? Why are Aga Khan University Hospital and millions of Pakistanis speaking on his behalf when they don't even know his side? So while he enjoys his anonymity, Sharmeen and her sister have been dissected right, left and centre. Why are millions not commenting on his appearance or on how sleazy he may or may not look? Why has he not come forward to fight for his family or his job or his reputation? Because he is a man and hence he doesn't need to, and that's his privilege. Sharmeen is a woman in a patriarchal society, hence she may have celebrity privileges but not one that gives her the right to accuse a man for harassment and get him sacked. Okay, but have you seen the picture of her sister wearing a perfectly normal outfit? She was definitely asking for it, right? 5. Women should support other women…but not if it’s Sharmeen? Be it on Whatsapp groups, Facebook groups such as Soul Sisters or Soul B*****s, or just privately to their friends, most women are always talking about messages or requests they receive from men. Sometimes it’s as a simple as a “Hi, I saw you the other day, can we be friends?”, or sometimes it can be as explicit as a picture of a man’s genitals on Snapchat or messages detailing exactly what strange, unknown men would like to do to us. Closed groups such as 'Frandshippers exposed' are created on Facebook where countless women share their experiences of receiving friend requests or messages from random people and how they think it is “creepy”, “sleazy” and “wrong”. Does the perpetrators’ occupation or family not come into consideration then? Or is that exposing such men and their harassment is only allowed on closed groups and Whatsapp groups, but cannot be done publically? So what’s different about Sharmeen's case?  Why aren’t more women on her side, and are instead siding with the harasser? Think of every time you’ve been harassed, sexually or otherwise, and then try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. What if you complained about your harasser, and in turn people started harassing you? Telling you that your harassment was not harassment? That you’re a "slut" and were hence asking for it? Every woman has a story; every woman has felt uncomfortable because of a man at one point or another. We know because only last week, we were all saying #MeToo. Then why is it that only a week later, we’re saying yes, me too, but no, not you? Seeing most men not understand how this is harassment is understandable – they participate in worse cases of harassment every day, which is why this probably seems like nothing. But to see women, who are harassed day in and day out, open up about their stories but at the same time declare another woman’s situation as trivial? There aren’t enough words to describe how extremely disappointing that is. Harassment is a part of every Pakistani woman's daily life; from the moment you step out of your house, a pair of ogling eyes will follow your every step, till you reach back home safely. So Pakistani women are used to being harassed by men, though that does not mean that it’s okay to do so, but to see fellow women harass Sharmeen and put her down just because they don’t agree that her case constitutes as “harassment”, that’s just downright demoralising. Women are putting other women down for speaking up. For calling out a harasser (yes, that is what he is). For using a platform that millions of women use to raise awareness about their ordeal or social issues. For saying that no, what happened to my sister is not acceptable. For saying that being a family of strong women, we will not stand by this. It truly has been a sad and disappointing week for Pakistan. And for those who are still struggling to voice their pain, to seek justice after what some doctor, maulvi, shopkeeper, uncle, CEO, did to them, because they now know it’s better to keep quiet than raise their voice. Remember when a week ago everyone was harassing Malala for wearing jeans? And before that when we were unhappy with how Mahira Khan was smoking in a dress? And before that when we didn’t stop slut-shaming Qandeel Baloch, even after she was murdered? That’s because in Pakistan, we hate women. We hate that a woman spoke up about harassment and for a change, people listened to her. We hate that Sharmeen made documentaries to highlight social problems women face in our society, and we hate the fact that those documentaries got acknowledged by the western world and won awards, because why should Sharmeen highlight what a regressive, woman-hating society Pakistan really is? We can do that commendably all on our own.

I recently came across the news regarding the ban on Verna, Shoaib Mansoor’s upcoming film, and was shocked, to say the least. Mansoor has played a monumental role in the revival of Pakistani cinema, delivering masterpieces like Khuda Kay Liye and Bol. Not only were both great films, they were also centred on very important issues that plague our society today.

Bol highlighted the practice of having innumerable children in the name of religion, especially when you cannot even feed them, giving us the legendary line,

“Jab paal nahin saktey, tou paida kyun karte ho?” (When you cannot provide for them, why do you give birth to them?)

Likewise, the movie Khuda Kay Liye spoke out against forced marriages and extremism in religion, and is often fondly remembered with Naseeruddin Shah’s famous line,

“Deen main daarhi hai, daarhi main deen nahin.” (The beard is in the religion, the religion is not in the beard)

Both films shed light on our societal issues – issues that were considered taboo and thus weren’t discussed, let alone featured in movies. Mansoor has hence won critical acclaim because he makes it a point to raise his voice against the injustice and intolerance in our society, making his films a living, breathing proof of his thoughts.

His latest movie, Verna, is no different, as it deals with the issue of sexual abuse, harassment and rape, but interestingly, also has a female protagonist willing to stand up for herself. The film’s lead is none other than Mahira Khan, who is now quite popular in Bollywood after starring in a movie with Shah Rukh Khan, titled Raees. From Bollywood stars to those from our own film industry, most people were excited for the release of the film.

“The general plot of the movie revolves around rape, which we consider to be unacceptable.”

“The subject is very sensitive. The film portrays the government institutions in an undesirable manner.”

Rape is a serious issue that is prevalent in the society. Even talking about rape openly takes a lot of courage, let alone making a movie about it. Shoaib Mansoor is known for making thought-provoking movies on social issues that turn out to be a cinematic delight. His previous movies have been pieces of art for movie-lovers and film students. Verna is his third and recent instalment, so expectations obviously had to be soaring high. https://youtu.be/iqup82jtx8Q His previous movies starred big names like Shaan Shahid, Fawad Khan, Naseeruddin Shah, Imaan Ali, Atif Aslam and Humaima Malick. However, this time, Mansoor does not have a star-studded cast. He only has Mahira Khan and the story itself. But is that enough for it to be a success? Verna is a story about a woman named Sara (Mahira) who is married to a polio-stricken man Aimal (Haroon Shahid). They seem to be a happy couple who live a normal life together. Sara, Aimal and his sister, Mahgul (Naimal Khawar), embark on a trip to Hunza. However, their plans change and they instead decide to spend their afternoon at a secluded park in Islamabad. Two men in a car arrive at the park and threaten them at gun point to handover their belongings. They then try to take Mahgul with them but Sara intervenes and tells them that she will go with them instead. The two men threaten Aimal to not to report Sara's kidnapping to the police or they would kill Sara. She is returned to them after three days and it is found out that she had been raped. Even though she wants to report it as soon as she arrives, her father stops her so that their image in the society is not tarnished. The rapist turns out to be a powerful man named Sultan (Zarrar Khan), who is also the son of the governor. Verna is a story of vengeance and political injustice, which is prevalent in Pakistan's society. The movie highlights and questions the loopholes which we find in the statements of our religious scholars, societal beliefs and cultural practices. There are times when a plot is very powerful when conceived, and even has the ability to sell itself on paper, but the real test is the execution and how it is presented to the audience. Verna seems to have failed that very test. This movie by no means is a mass entertainer and probably only targets a certain audience. And even though Verna has a strong subject, it falters and starts to sink from the third scene; there are no engaging points in the film for the viewers. Moreover, the script is mediocre and it could be seen from the immature and senseless examples that the lawyer in the movie gives to defend Sara. The dialogues of the film have a very amateurish undertone and they fail to engross the audience. This is sad because both his previous movies had famous dialogues that are repeated even today. Mahira seems to still be under Shah Rukh Khan’s influence after working with him in Raees, and that is probably why she acts like him in the last 25 minutes of Verna. Fans of SRK will easily spot the resemblance through her expressions, pauses and dialogue delivery. The exceptional performances by Taapsee Pannu in Pink, Aditi Rao Hydari in Bhoomi and Sajjal Ali in Mom over shadow Mahira’s performance in Verna this year. She fails disastrously to leave a significant mark in any of the scenes in this movie. The male leads in the movie, Haroon and Zarrar, failed at delivering convincing performances as well– they might need to take acting classes. Rasheed Naz (Sultan’s lawyer), who also starred in Khuda Kay Liye, gives his earnest attempt and is probably the only actor in the movie who keeps the audience engaged. Most of the songs are played in the background, so they do not make any impact and are hardly recallable. Verna seems like an undercooked dish that was made in a hurry and the meat was not marinated long enough to give it the desired flavour. There are times when intellectual filmmakers and directors go through a phase where they produce a film which according to them is intended to be a classic but all it ends up becoming is a shock for its viewers, and not the good kind. Verna seems to be that project in that phase of Mansoor's career. All Photos: Screenshots  

Just like its predecessor, this year started with a new hope for Pakistani cinema, a hope that the industry would continue to produce better films than it did in previous years. While the industry may have produced more films this year than it has in a long time, unfortunately, the graph went down in terms of the quality of content. Let’s take a look at what the revival of Pakistani cinema looked like this year. 1. Thora Jee Le https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmZjj6RuAOU Rafay Rashdi’s directorial debut Thora Jee Le was considered one of the most promising films of the year, simply because it launched more than half a dozen actors, actresses and musicians. However, its alarmingly weak plot and below average performances could not sustain the hype, and hence the film busted at the box office. Luckily, perhaps, the actors involved successfully managed to escape the sinking ship that was Thora Jee Le, and got a chance to revive their careers on the small screen. While most actors get their first break on the small screen and then move their way up, these debutants did the reverse and now grace our TV screens instead of those of our cinemas, proving just how cut-throat the film industry is. 2. Raasta https://www.facebook.com/RaastaTheMovie/videos/1793505597556990/ From the very beginning, audiences did not have many expectations from Raasta, mainly because of the fact that everyone knows about the stark “similarity” between the film’s lead, Sahir Lodhi, and the King of Bollywood, Shahrukh Khan. Raasta was rejected by both critics and the masses alike almost immediately, bombing at the box office. It was such a lousy attempt at storytelling and acting that it was simply a pain to watch. 3. Chalay Thay Saath https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0Hm1OQokXM Umer Adil’s road trip turned romance highlighted the significance of family ties and bonding, and could even be considered a visual treat. It had the potential to be a great film, yet its content and performances pulled it down, leaving Chalay Thay Saath simply being a below-par film. Usually, films centred on road trips at the very least have a great background score which adds to their timelessness and appeal, but unfortunately, Chalay Thay Saath has nothing of that sort, with both the music and the film having absolutely no recall value. 4. Mehrunisa V Lub U https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrhoFSrlBbU After the success of Wrong No, the same team came up with another family entertainer, or at least, that’s what they claimed it was. Mehrunisa V Lub U is a great example of when a filmmaker wants to present a film with a strong message and only focuses on that, while messing up literally everything else in the film, namely music, acting, script and common sense. With several scenes blatantly copied from Bollywood films of the 90’s and early 2000’s, Mehrunisa V Lub U was a sheer let-down, particularly to a follower of Pakistani cinema. 5. Yalghaar https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ki-inDlVlmo Yalghaar was considered to be one of the most awaited Pakistani films, as it featured not one but two megastars – Shaan Shahid and Humayun Saeed. If anyone could pull crowds to the theatres for a Pakistani film, it was these two. While Yalghaar was a good attempt, it needed more than that, perhaps a better script, performances and direction, in order to attract crowds. Unfortunately, this was not the case, resulting in an entirely forgettable film that failed to impress anyone. 6. Chain Aye Na https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5GSFXj95kA This film was nothing but a fool’s paradise for Syed Noor. Nobody actually went to watch this film, and those who did, like me, would have liked a refund, as it did not take long to realise that it was simply torturous to watch. The film bombed at the box office, and the reasons for its failure are pretty obvious. Chain Aye Na feels like something Noor forgot to release in 1997, and one can only hope in hindsight that he would have left it in the 90s, where it belongs! 7. Saawan https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heyVzwJeOzY Saawan was a great attempt at a movie, but its execution was a let-down, considering it was a feature film. While the film received acclaim and a few international awards, due to its portrayal of how conservative and orthodox Pakistani society is, and that was it. The film at times offered no logic, no emotional investment and no sympathy for the protagonists, which is necessary for a movie of its calibre, as well as for it to appeal to a Pakistani audience. 8. Balu Mahi https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cW7xb-FgXqs Balu Mahi was amongst the more decently made films of the year, but then again, the film’s plot was hugely inspired from super hit Bollywood films. With the first half a rip-off of Jab We Met, and the second half largely taken from Dil Bole Hadippa, (if one were to replace the cricket match with polo and Sadaf Kanwal with Sherlyn Chopra). Osman Khalid Butt was pretty decent in his performance, and yet there was something missing in the film. Perhaps originality? 9. Verna https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqup82jtx8Q Shoaib Mansoor returned with his third film, a much hyped venture with Mahira Khan in lead. However, even the controversy before its release and the public campaign to unban Verna was not enough to sustain the film. Despite the talented cast and crew and the serious and relevant subject matter, the film made little sense. Mansoor deserves praise for highlighting an issue that no one else invested in on the silver screen, yet there needs to be more than that to make a good film, and unfortunately, that was missing in Verna. This is perhaps the most unfortunate film on the list, as it was most definitely the one with the most potential to not only attract audiences but also reform Pakistani cinema as a whole, all of which it failed to do. 10. Rangreza https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXpKI-jM1Ns Rangreza is undoubtedly one of the worst films to come out of the industry this year. From the barely developed characters to the underwhelming performances, there is nothing salvageable in this film, which is a farce of a musical. This was another bummer, simply because when a film manages to create so much hype despite the absence of superstars like Mahira or Shaan, one expects it to be tolerable at the very least. Watching Rangreza was an enormous waste of time and hard-earned money, it would have been best to just stay at home. There were several films last year that impressed viewers, but this year, apart from a couple of films such as Punjab Nahi Jaungi and Na Maloom Afraad 2, all the films churned out were trash. If 2018 does not bring good films, the much hyped revival of Pakistani cinema just might fall flat. With this in mind, one can only hope that the next year gives us some quality as well as quantity. Happy New Year!

It’s finally that time of the year, when you get to cuddle up in a blanket on the sofa while you sip on hot chai (tea), and reflect on the past year. In fact, I’m doing just that as I write this. As we get through the very last days of 2017, a year that went by rather swiftly, it’s time for an important recap.   For me, a great part of the year was spent writing about and highlighting human rights injustices, not just in Pakistan but globally. By far, what throws me off every time is the sheer negativity of the comments I receive.  The ironic thing about the sometimes abusive, derogatory and harsh remarks is that they help prove my point even further, especially when it is pertaining to feminism and the need to talk about women’s issues. There have been countless times when I’ve had to defend my feminist stance, constantly reiterating that the term feminist is not synonymous with “man-hater”. This year, Pakistan was officially ranked the fourth worst country in the world to be a woman, with high discrimination and low financial inclusion, and only Syria, Yemen and Afghanistan were behind us. The violent incidents pertaining to women this year alone are testament to why we deserve this ranking. Beyond the usual string of violence, we’ve had a few interesting and devastating turn of events, especially for those women who have dared to stand up to the status quo, challenge norms and speak out openly against the injustices they have faced. It’s interesting to note that there were several cases this year of women standing up and fighting, and ultimately winning, through pure determination. The person who instantly comes to mind when thinking of bravery is Khadija Siddiqui, a young law student who was stabbed 23 times by a male peer, and then dragged to courts to seek justice, only to face the utmost humiliation of having revenge porn used against her. Nonetheless, Siddiqui did not back down, but held her ground stronger than ever and with the support of her amazing team of lawyers, did not rest until her perpetrator was sentenced to seven years in prison. Apart from physical abuse, this was another incomparable year when it came to online trolling and harassment against the most celebrated women of our country. It all started with Mahira Khan, who is now an international celebrity, being shamed online after pictures of her smoking in a backless dress were leaked online. While she was shamed for smoking in a dress alongside Bollywood actor Ranbir Kapoor, we witnessed some of the most shameful and derogatory comments made for the simple fault of a woman smoking. The entire problem with this scenario was obvious enough – the masses in Pakistan could not handle or did not know how to deal with a woman practicing the agency to manage her body the way she wanted. https://twitter.com/Zarvan3/status/911203207564681216 https://twitter.com/OfficialHanzala/status/910946445607473152 https://twitter.com/hammadAbbacee/status/911071709909749761 Over and over again, we’ve seen honour being attached to women’s bodies, as if all humans born female had an “honour” button installed in their genitals. Instances like this where a woman’s honour is quickly brought up for discussion make one question, who decides that women are the honour of the society? Why must women justify their actions and be answerable to anyone but themselves? On the topic of honour and women’s bodies, it would be remiss to not talk about Malala Yousafzai being trolled online for wearing jeans to university. Whether you are a supporter of Malala or not, it is undoubtedly very disturbing to see people go this far to discredit and troll this young woman who is now a student at Oxford University, simply for choosing to wear an outfit that was perfectly respectable and decent, and more importantly, her choice. Is clothing the only thing that legitimises a woman’s worth? Why are Pakistani women’s accomplishments thrown under the rug and ignored all together the minute she decides to live her life the way she wants; a way of life that does not adhere to patriarchal norms of our society? https://twitter.com/ShehzadAshraf5/status/919596242761605120 https://twitter.com/AfridiShafiQ10/status/919555062636179457 Can one imagine the Pakistani awaam (people) being equally outraged over the real injustices and cruelties that women have to face here on a daily basis, the way they are when they witness women taking charge of their own lives? We all witnessed the fiasco when Ayesha Gulalai publicly spoke about being harassed by Imran Khan. Whether she was pulling a political stunt or not, the entire incident proved just how toxic and unsafe this country is for women to truly talk about harassment, especially if it’s being perpetrated by a man with more privilege and power than most. Some took to Twitter to insult her, and even went to the extent of saying that Gulalai deserves to have acid thrown at her face. In a country where acid attacks are already a norm, narratives like these further normalise and provide justification for this heinous crime. Gulalai speaking out was an eye-opener for many of us and a serious indicator of just how widespread toxic masculinity is in our country. While the rest of the world was reeling in the aftermath of the #MeToo movement, in Pakistan, the result of saying #MeToo was unequivocally more harassment faced by the woman.   https://twitter.com/BinaShah/status/892651590498254848 https://twitter.com/DrAlishbaKhan/status/892639280480362496 https://twitter.com/Waqas_amjad/status/892629620482334720 https://twitter.com/asadhussain1512/status/892469019168657414 https://twitter.com/VoiceofWaqas/status/938046923335962625 One doesn’t need to look far to prove this statement. The most noteworthy and infamous incident of the year involving a woman was undoubtedly when Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy took to Twitter to complain about the doctor who added her sister on Facebook after treating her, demanding action be taken against his unethical behaviour. Most people in the country sided with the doctor, arguing that a Facebook friend request does not equal to harassment, and to drive their point home, proceeded to harass Sharmeen and her sister online. It’s almost 2018, and it’s time to get one thing straight – if a woman says she is feeling uncomfortable or harassed, no one else gets to tell her otherwise. https://twitter.com/adeelraja/status/924190145800220673 https://twitter.com/SaithAbdullah99/status/923889109407600640 https://www.facebook.com/sana.ali.z/posts/10159701164775571 https://twitter.com/iamhamzaabbasi/status/923946589588262913 https://twitter.com/osamacaprii/status/923598739624939526 Despite the many disappointing incidents discussed above, I would like to end my reflection on a more positive note; looking at some of the greatest achievements of Pakistani women this year. - Anna Khan made it to the Forbes ‘30 Under  30’ list - Kami Sid emerged as Pakistan’s first transgender model and also featured in a film - Farhat Asif won the N-peace Award for her work as an activist for women, while Farhat Sajjad was recognised by the same platform for her work towards education - Maryam Nasim, a Pakistani female weightlifter, made a name for herself and broke stereotypes - Momina Mustehsan was the most prominent Pakistani to be featured on BBC’s 100 inspirational women for 2017 - Mahira Khan, Saba Qamar and Mawra Hocane won big and left a mark at an award ceremony recognising people from the pan Asian community In light of all this, I would like to add that I am extremely optimistic about the future. Though I am very familiar with the ways of our country, I am also aware of the fact that there are more and more women who, like myself, are starting to realise the immense need to start highlighting issues pertaining to violence against women and misogyny. With more women now identifying as feminists and not only fighting for their rights but also calling for an end to a sexist culture, there is reason to be optimistic. 2017 was yet another year for more women to break barriers and enter fields of professions not open to them earlier, and excelling. Having said that, given the way things are at the moment, it will unquestionably take our society at large a long time to expect more from women than getting married, performing household duties and birthing children. For a culture to truly change, it will need the effort of both, its women and its men. It’s high time more people realise that there is a reason we all co-exist on this planet, and that we need to try harder to overcome this gender divide. There’s always hope that 2018 will be a more peaceful and relatively progressive year, and will be kinder to and safer for the women of our country. Happy New Year!

On February 22, 2018, the Federation Western India Cine Employees (FWICE) unanimously agreed to ban Pakistani artists and technicians from working in films and TV serials made by Indian producers in any language. This decision was of course made in light of growing tensions and the deteriorating relations between the two countries as of late.  Every country is entitled to take action based on their political reasoning, and justify it through patriotism. If India wants to do so as well, so be it; it has the right to do so. However, once again we see that art too has been unfairly politicised. In the past, gems of the Pakistani industry have shone brightest through their performances across the border, winning the hearts of the masses. Be it Ali Zafar vibrantly bringing life to characters with his exceptional acting; Atif Aslam and Rahat Fateh Ali Khan, who have entranced everyone with the magical intonations of their voice; or Fawad Khan, whose effortless charm wooed Indians and Pakistanis alike and made him a heartthrob across the border as well. And these are just the men! How can we forget our leading ladies who have so phenomenally left their mark in Bollywood? Mahira Khan, our industry’s queen who was rightly paired with Bollywood’s King Khan, and Sajal Aly, whose intensity and versatile expressions shook audiences as she starred opposite the late Sridevi. Then of course there is Saba Qamar, who became the first Pakistani nominated for the Filmfare Award for Best Actress for her immaculate performance in Hindi Medium. However, despite the stars of the Pakistani industry simply doing what they do best and exceeding all expectations across the border, the reality needs to be accepted. Our talent is no longer welcome across the border, and is being made a victim of sheer prejudice. https://twitter.com/SharmeenRizvi/status/966751329090711552 https://twitter.com/RoshanKrRai/status/966733698250035200 India’s ban on Pakistani talent is a wake-up call for Pakistani channels to set aside Indian media content and focus on their own national media content and on promoting new talent, both of which the country is overflowing with. Our film industry is at its full bloom currently, along with our dramas flourishing by the day. Both of these can most definitely be aired and suffice for the masses to view instead of Indian content. In fact, the Pakistani industry’s golden era of our yesteryears is so remarkable that to date they remain national favourites! It would be a breath of fresh air and a revival of lost cultural values if our classic films and dramas were to be aired on our channels yet again. Thus, it is absolutely incomprehensible why the “achievements” of our Pakistani celebrities are believed to be elevated if they work for Bollywood. Yes, performing internationally is a matter of pride for artists in any country, but it is important to note that Pakistan’s multi-talented performers do not need any validation from across the border – their work speaks for itself. I got in touch with a couple of the members of our industry, and here's what they have to say about this ban: Armeena Khan:

“Every country has good and bad people. This decision seems to be driven by extremists, yet again coercing decent people into religious or nationalistic policies that perpetuate division and hatred. Art and artists do the opposite. We transcend borders, and through our craft bring people together and promote love. This is dangerous for the extremists because it undoes all their work. The ban itself is purely symbolic and these difficult conditions for the Pakistani artists in India have actually served to bolster Pakistan’s entertainment industry over the past. We should not reciprocate, as it’s about as symbolic as banning Argentinian artists from working here. Finally, in the grand scheme of things, does it actually make a difference to us? I’ll leave that to you.”

“Art has no boundaries. I have been incorporating Indian talent in my films, from editors to singers; they are mostly from across the border. In fact, my film editor from India is actually like a brother to me. Our relationships across the border and vice-versa cannot really be made to end. In an era of globalisation an exchange of talent should be encouraged rather than the opposite. I believe that the Indian government has taken a very strict action regarding the matter and they should definitely think over it. This will only give heed to more hatred rather than improve ties between the two nations.”

Like most cricket fans excitedly preparing for the return of international cricket back home, I was also looking forward to going to the National Stadium to watch the final of the Pakistan Super League (PSL), where last year’s champions Peshawar Zalmi were up against the storming Islamabad United. The security was tight, the functioning was strict, and as the Sindh government could not afford any mishaps, they tried their best to pull the edge of each string to ensure no serious problems arose on the big day. This is precisely why each attendee was checked at least three times on their way in. After going through the security measures and having our tickets and CNICs scanned repeatedly, and our pockets checked thoroughly, all of the spectators entered the ground with empty pockets. With only our wallets clad in our hands, we all hoped to find refuge inside the National Stadium. Every item we brought – including Smarties, lip gloss, hand sanitizers, Skittles, cigarettes, lighters, matchboxes, and even baby food – was dispensed and surrendered before we were allowed to enter the stadium. Admittedly, banning cigarettes and lighters at the entrance of the stadium is a smart and routine procedure, and is part of the standard protocol to take away fire hazards like lighters and match boxes. With a capacity of almost 25,000 people, and a tainted past reputation, the government could, after all, take no chances. Thus we sat there, empty handed yet excited, as the ceremony began in full swing. The performances sailed smoothly, with the audience screaming and applauding to get the attention of the likes of Hamza Ali Abbasi, Mahira Khan and Sheheryar Munawar, who were all there to support their team. Celebrities such as Fawad Khan, Farhan Saeed and Shehzad Roy graced the stage to welcome everyone, and foreign players danced alongside Pakistanis to our national cricket anthems. The Chief Minister of Sindh, Murad Ali Shah, even made a round of the stadium, waving at the eager smiling faces waiting to watch history being made in Pakistan. The return of cricket to Karachi was thus quite the extravagant affair. Nevertheless, the experience was far from picture-perfect. From the hoard of mismanagement that took place inside National Stadium, the worst one was the zero supply of water at all the stalls. From Pizza Point and United King, to even Pepsi’s official stall, there was no bottled water; just coolers installed in certain enclosures. This was clearly terrible management, given the heat wave that came alongside the PSL final. However, if there was one particular thing that caught my attention, and one thing I shall take away from my entire experience, it is the frequency of hearing the sentence,

“Bhai sahab, cigarette hai?” (Mister, do you have a cigarette?)

 “Cigarette hai aap ke pass?” (Do you have a cigarette?)

“The first thing we’ll do once we get out of here is get a smoke!”